Website developed by:
My Caregiver
Dearest Friend
I sit here in my favourite chair staring out the window. It’s almost visiting time. She said she would come by today. She said she has something exciting to tell me. I can’t wait to see her.
I slowly drift through the memories of my life. I recall all the adventures and faces of people past and present. I let the times of magic moments wash over my mind like a wave of love, laughter, tears and smiles. I allow myself to ponder on how much of a mystery life really is. I think about all the moments passed and ask myself would I even change one moment?
I don’t think so.
I remember Tannie Sannie and her Sunday lunch pampoen koekies soaked in syrup. How we used to line up just to get the last bit. I remember times after my mother made souskluitjies where you would add brown sugar and cinnamon to the pot and lick it out.
I remember the time I had a street fight with the neighbourhood bully, and how my mother was so mad and made me wait for my father to come home. Only to have him congratulate me and teach me how to box properly instead of a punishment.
I remember getting enlisted and climbing on a boat to be shipped off to war. How I ran to the other side of the ship away from all the people convinced that should the boat tip I would fall on top of them all as I was not able to swim.
I remember faces of friends and family over the years. As years passed by I saw some amazing changes such as TV and then the landing on the moon. I saw the Queen of England crowned and watched as thousands greeted a free Nelson Mandela.
I remember a time when you wrote a letter, put a stamp on the envelope and posted it to a person. I remember when people went out for dinner and dancing in black tie attire. I remember that you had to visit your girlfriend and could only stay as long as the “opsit kers” burnt, when it was out it was time to leave.
I remember roadhouses and drive-in movie theatres where you could watch 2 movies for less than R10.00.
I look at the birds, in the garden and think how I always gave my best in everything I did. At times it never quite felt enough but I never gave up. I remember the way it used to be with her mother and me. I remember the day she was born, a small precious bundle that when I held her was scared I would hurt her. I remember the sound of her voice and the way I was her hero.
I remember days in my life, I remember knowing the names of all I passed. I stare at the window wondering when she will get here. Only to hear the words: “Dad I need to leave now.”
I look at the face next to me and I don’t recognize it immediately. How it frustrates me to know that silently I can recognize her but I am unable to physically express it. I then recall the strokes I had and how it has taken away my physical abilities.
How it hurts to know that I am not able to hold her or dance with her or hug her. How it frustrates me to not voice my thoughts audibly to her but have to beg my eyes to express all the things I physically can’t do.
I hear my caregiver giving her a hug and telling her that it’s from me. I look to the woman who so caringly look after me and silently thank her for being my hands and voice.
I just want to let you know that although I am getting older each day, I do still remember my life and I want to pass on my memories. I may not physically be able to express things anymore but that does not mean my mind is inactive. Don’t pity me, my condition. Rather celebrate with me by being my hands, feet and voice in my moments of weakness just like my caregiver.
All my love
John
